


Save Me

by Daegaer



Category: Battle Royale, Fruits Basket, Hellsing, Kyou Kara Maou!, Saiyuki, Weiß Kreuz, Yami No Matsuei
Genre: Assassins, Crossover, Humor, M/M, Multi, Psychic Abilities, Shapeshifting, Shinigami, Teenagers, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-04
Updated: 2005-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-23 03:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mamoru gets more crossovers than he'd like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for Mistress Renet's birthday.

"I need a wife," Mamoru said. "Grandfather wants a great-grandson. I've met someone. She's _very_ suitable."

Nagi looked at the picture, his face blank in the way that meant he thought Mamoru was a fool.

"I'll carry out the background check. Don't bother protesting."

A week later, Mamoru smiled at Kagura and wondered if he'd ever get even a kiss. She was a boisterous girl, but very old-fashioned in ways. Nagi burst in and grabbed her.

"Nagi! Stop groping my girlfriend!"

Mamoru fell silent as Nagi triumphantly held up the struggling pig.

"There's something you should know about the Sohmas."

 

* * * 

 

"Takatori Mamoru!" the tall, dark-haired man said. "You should be dead many times over, yet live on. I'm terribly sorry, but we're here to take you in."

"Huh?" Mamoru said. "Are you really my 3PM appointment?"

The blond teenager with the man suddenly shot backwards through the wall, fragile wood and paper smashing.

"Sorry I'm late," Nagi said, strolling in. He looked at the flabbergasted man and sniggered rudely.

"What are you _doing_?" Mamoru said.

"Laughing in the face of death. I've always wanted to say that. _Now --_ " Nagi gave the man one of his best glares.

The man fled.

 

* * *

 

"Foreign countries are so interesting," Mamoru gasped. "I'll admit I didn't know much about England, but I'm a bit surprised that --"

"It's so full of vampires?" Nagi said, crushing another creature of the night's skull.

"Yes. Can we run some more, please?"

"You're the boss."

It was then the private army burst in, guns blazing.

"We're human! Human!" Mamoru screamed.

"You're whimpering in Japanese," Nagi said. "Speak English."

"Mr Takatori, Mr Naoe," the approaching middle-aged man said. "So sorry to keep you waiting. This way, please."

"Please thank Integra-sama," Mamoru said shakily.

"Pfft," Nagi muttered. "I had it under control."

 

* * *

 

Mamoru was relaxing in his bath when a vortex formed and he was sucked down the plug-hole.

"Damn," he said, looking at what seemed to be the German countryside. "If I have to go up against Eszett, couldn't I at least be wearing clothes?"

With a splash, Nagi popped up in the rock-pool next to him.

"Dammit," Nagi said, coughing, "I _told_ you not to go anywhere without me."

"I was safe in my bath!"

"Safe. Right. Mystically transported to some demon-kingdom is 'safe'."

"Demon kingdom?" Mamoru said.

Nagi shrugged, handing him wet underwear. "Rosenkreuz geography classes were very comprehensive."

 

* * *

 

"And only the last one left alive can leave the island," the unpleasant man finished.

"I was just meant to be giving a career-guidance speech, what am _I_ doing here?" Mamoru interrupted.

"Shut the fuck up," Nagi said.

"Take your friend's advice," the man said.

"Hold me," Nagi said. " _Hold_ me."

Mamoru held on tight. There was a huge light and noise. When he let go he saw the explosive collars on the students had all been violently removed simultaneously. They were the only ones left alive.

"Amateurs," Nagi said viciously. "Now, let's be a bit more careful with ours."

 

* * *

 

Mamoru wished his business rivals had waited till Nagi came back from holiday before trying to kidnap him. He'd become careless, and now these bastards were going to torture him to death.

The door flew open. A ball of white light exploded soundlessly in the room, knocking the kidnappers down. A tall red-haired man and a kid waded into the fray, slicing and dicing. The young monk with the big gun finished the kidnappers off as the gently smiling monocled man cut Mamoru free.

The monk lit a cigarette and nodded sullenly at Mamoru.

"Tell Naoe we're even," he said.

 

* * * 

 

"It is a fact universally recognised that a man with a fortune must be in search a wife," Mamoru said, looking the stacked dinner invitations.

"That's where we came in," Nagi said. "You don't want a wife."

"Why?"

Nagi rolled his eyes. "You worked in a florists and liked it. The only girl you ever kissed was your sister. Your wardrobe had the Village People weeping with envy. You. Are. Gay."

"I'm _wha_ \--ummm," Mamoru said as Nagi kissed him.

" _All_ assassins are gay," Nagi said. "It's an underlying cosmic law."

Mamoru blinked. Nagi was _smiling_.

He kind of liked it.


End file.
